“She’s the dependable one. The strong one. The eldest.”
I meet her almost every week.
She’s the daughter who keeps everything running — the one who remembers the medication times, calls the doctor, manages the shopping, and somehow still smiles when she arrives at her mum’s house after work.
She rarely calls herself a carer. But she is one.
The eldest daughter effect
A few months ago, I read an article in The Atlantic about something called “the eldest daughter effect.”
It described how eldest daughters often grow up carrying quiet responsibility — learning to soothe, to organise, to hold things together. And later in life, when parents begin to need care, it’s so often that same daughter who steps up first.
The piece struck a chord, because it’s something we see so often in the families we support. The eldest daughters (and sometimes eldest sons) who give so much of themselves out of love — until they start to run on empty.
When love becomes a second full-time job
At Visiting Angels, I’ve met daughters who are juggling work, children, and care for their parents — doing everything they can to make sure Mum or Dad is safe, happy, and comfortable.
They don’t ask for help easily. They feel guilty for being tired.
But behind the strength, there’s often exhaustion — and sometimes loneliness.
That’s usually when we step in.
Because home care isn’t about taking over. It’s about sharing the care.
It’s about helping families keep their balance, so daughters can simply be daughters again — not nurses, not coordinators, not always the strong one.
“You’ve been the caretaker all your life — maybe it’s time someone looked after you, too.”
Recognising when it’s time to ask for help
I’ve learned to recognise the signs.
Sometimes they’re subtle:
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The daughter who sighs before she smiles.
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The one who says, “I’m fine” a little too quickly.
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The one who talks about her parent’s wellbeing, but never her own.
That’s when I gently remind her — caring doesn’t have to mean doing it all yourself.
Even a few hours of support each week can bring breathing space, calm, and the chance to reconnect simply as family.
How we share the care
You don’t have to do it all alone
If this sounds familiar, please know you’re not alone.
We see you — the strong ones, the dependable ones, the eldest daughters.
At Visiting Angels, we’re here to walk beside you — not to replace what you do, but to help you do it without burning out.
Because sharing the care isn’t a sign of weakness.
It’s an act of love — for your parent, and for yourself.
📞 Contact Visiting Angels to find out how we can support you and your family.
Let’s make sure you have time to simply be a daughter again.