Quick summary
Phoning more often rarely fixes loneliness. Having something in the diary usually helps more. What works is a small number of regular, predictable commitments with other people, plus solving whatever practical thing is stopping them going out. Transport and confidence are the two most common blockers.
How common is it?
Common enough that most families are dealing with some version of it.
Age UK’s analysis found that around 7 per cent of people aged 65 and over in the UK, roughly 940,000 people, are often lonely, and that around 270,000 older people in England go a week without speaking to a friend or family member. Those people are almost three times more likely to be lonely than people who speak to others more often.
The NHS puts the scale another way: more than 2 million people in England over 75 live alone, and more than a million older people say they go over a month without speaking to a friend, neighbour or family member (NHS, Loneliness in older people).
Why it matters beyond feeling sad
Age UK’s report links loneliness with acceleration of frailty and increased risk of physical and mental illness, including a 29 per cent increase in the risk of coronary heart disease, a 32 per cent increase in the risk of stroke and a 25 per cent increased risk of dementia. Nine in ten older people who are often lonely are also unhappy or depressed.
There is also a practical loop that occurs. Someone who stops going out walks less, gets weaker, becomes less steady, then feels less able to go out. Loneliness and falls risk feed each other.
Is my mum lonely?
Most people will not say so, partly because it feels like an admission and partly because they do not want to worry you. Look for the pattern rather than asking directly.
- The television is on from morning to night, or the radio. Age UK has long reported that television is the main form of company for a large number of older people.
- Phone calls that will not end. A ten-minute call becoming forty-five is often the clearest signal there is.
- The diary is empty where it used to have things in it.
- Groups and hobbies have quietly stopped. Often after an illness, a bereavement, or giving up the car.
- They talk about people in the past tense, or the same few stories come round more often.
- Appearance and the house have slipped. People stop bothering when nobody visits.
- Reluctance to end a visit. Finding jobs for you to do, making another cup of tea.
What doesn’t work
What families try | Why it disappoints |
|---|---|
Phoning more often | Helps a bit, and it is still the same one voice. It does not replace being among people |
A tablet for video calls | Works for some, and for others it becomes another thing that has gone wrong in the corner |
“You should get out more” | Names the problem and leaves the person to solve it alone |
A leaflet about local groups | Walking into a room of strangers alone is the hard part, not knowing the address |
A pet, chosen for them | Can be wonderful, and can become a worry about who looks after it |
Moving them nearer to you | Sometimes right, and it removes the neighbours, the shopkeeper and the church they already know |
What tends to work
Something in the diary, repeating, with other people in it. Predictability is what does the work. A Tuesday lunch club every week beats an occasional outing, because it gives the week a shape and gives them something to mention on the phone.
Fix the practical blocker first. Usually transport, or not being steady enough to walk in alone, or not wanting to arrive by themselves. Solving the first two or three visits often solves the rest.
Go with them the first time. Or arrange for someone to. Most people who stop attending something never went back after one missed week.
Build on what they already liked. Bowls, church, choir, the allotment, the pub quiz. New interests at 84 are a big ask; old ones are a smaller one.
Give them a role. People who are needed for something turn up. Being asked to bring the raffle prizes is worth more than being invited.
Set a regular time for your own contact. Same day, same time each week. Something to look forward to beats something that might happen.
Where to look locally
- Cheshire East Council’s Live Well directory lists groups, lunch clubs and activities by area.
- Age UK Cheshire East runs activities and befriending, and the New Horizons Centre in Macclesfield runs day support.
- Libraries in Macclesfield, Congleton, Knutsford and Wilmslow run reading and social groups.
- Churches, whether or not someone is religious. Most run coffee mornings open to anyone.
- Age UK’s telephone friendship service, which arranges a regular call from the same volunteer.
- For Buxton and Whaley Bridge, Age UK Derby and Derbyshire. For Leek, Biddulph and Kidsgrove, Age UK Staffordshire and the Staffordshire Connects directory.
One local practicality: bus services in the villages around Chelford, Goostrey, Wincle and the moorland edge are limited, so for many people “getting out” is really a transport problem wearing a different hat. Solve that and the rest often follows.
When it is more than loneliness
Low mood that lasts, loss of interest in everything rather than just going out, poor sleep, weight loss, or saying life is not worth much: these point at depression rather than loneliness, and depression in later life is treatable.
That is a GP appointment, not a lunch club. If someone talks about not wanting to be here, treat it seriously and speak to their GP urgently, or call 111.
Frequently asked questions
How do I know if my mum is lonely if she says she’s fine?
Watch the diary, the television and the length of phone calls rather than asking directly. Most people find the word itself hard to say.
Would a pet help?
For some people, a great deal. Think about who walks it, who pays vet bills, and what happens during a hospital stay. A regular visit from someone else’s dog avoids most of that.
Should we move her closer to us?
Sometimes right, and it is worth being clear that it removes an existing network as well as adding proximity to you. People who move late in life can end up lonelier for a year or two.
Is companionship care worth paying for?
It helps where the problem is partly practical: someone to go with them, drive them, or be there regularly. It is not a substitute for friendships, and a good carer will be trying to get them back out among people rather than becoming their only company.
She has carers already and is still lonely. Why?
Often because the visits are too short to include a conversation. A fifteen or thirty minute call covers tasks and nothing else, which is one reason our minimum is an hour.
About Visiting Angels Cheshire East
Visiting Angels Cheshire East provides care at home across Macclesfield, Wilmslow, Knutsford, Congleton, Alsager and the surrounding villages of East Cheshire, along with Buxton, Whaley Bridge and the Staffordshire Moorlands towns.
- No visit is ever shorter than an hour, so there is time for a conversation rather than only the tasks.
- You choose your caregiver. You meet them before care starts, and if it is not right you say so and we send someone else.
- You see the same faces. Our carer turnover is 12 per cent, against a sector figure of 23.7 per cent (Skills for Care, 2025). A relationship needs the same person.
- Getting out, not just getting by. Walks, shopping, appointments, taking someone to a group and going in with them the first time.
- Carers trained in dementia, Parkinson’s, stroke recovery and complex care.
Iain wrote this about the help his mother receives:
“Visiting Angels have been a great help to my mother with cleaning, shopping, taking her for walks and by simply keeping her company.”
Iain Brook, Google review
Not sure what you need yet? Start with a free assessment
Our free home care assessment is a visit at a time that suits you, with no obligation afterwards. In it we will:
- Work out what is actually difficult, and which days feel longest.
- Talk through a realistic package, and what it would cost.
- Look at the money with you, and point you towards the funding, benefits and grants you may be entitled to.
- Point you at free local groups first, because for a lot of people that is the better answer, and it costs nothing.
If the quiet days are the problem, call us on 01625 720157. You can also send an enquiry, and you can see what our services cover.
Authored by Dr Niall Jawad, Managing Director, Visiting Angels Cheshire East.
Published 27 September 2026. Last updated 27 September 2026.
This article is general information, not medical advice, and no substitute for a professional who knows the person. Persistent low mood should be discussed with a GP, because depression in later life is common and treatable. The author is a director of the company and is not acting in a clinical capacity, and Visiting Angels Cheshire East provides personal care at home rather than medical or nursing care. If you are worried about someone’s immediate safety, call 999. To the fullest extent permitted by law, GB Care at Home Ltd accepts no liability for any loss arising from reliance on this article.
